the horror

There’s an unfortunate lack of words in the English Language suitable for describing different ways in which an object can be tumultuously rent asunder, and yea unto many pieces strewn yonder and away. Just as unfortunately, there are no words for describing the process by which something may be reconstituted after such a traumatic event, whether by painstaking reassembly or miraculous reversal of nearby time. I have thus striven to bring before you a proposition, an offering if you will, a standard by which future violence and its sudden reversal may be briefly and succinctly described:


explode – to blow up, as by an explosion.
(Antonym – desplode)

asplode – to be blown up by some force internal or external, esp. after a critical failure.
(Antonym – unplode)

implode – to blow up, only inwards as opposed to outwards.
(Antonym – resplode)

preplode – to destruct—indeed, become stroyed—in so comprehensive (and often indescribably horrific) a manner that the past prior to the event is indelibly altered and the object hardly was. (See also balefire)
(Antonym – by definition, there can be no antonym; the oft-considered relation postplode, upon detailed investigation, was discovered to be a process by which a preploded object is annihilated again.)


Upon observing the new and revised definitions, many plebes are unwisely curious about the aftermath of a preplosion. Only a veteran with the battle-hardened visage of one who has observed an actual preplosion in action can suitably describe it (a wild light in their eyes as they speak) in a way that renders the appearance of the aftermath comprehensible to the uninitiated. Some, it seems, even pass off scenes of a preplosion as abstract art to the unsuspecting public.

However inoffensive it may seem to the masses, such an unearthly grim sight is enough to turn the stomach of one who truly knows, ruining not only the entire day thence forth but indeed, often weeks at a time.

2 Responses

  1. Asplode, remind me of that one SBEmail where Strong Bad is designing a video game and the floating head that has bad grammar.

  2. Hm… if only preploding didn’t disrupt the Pattern, there would be oh so many things to do before christmas…

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